Not Being Okay Is Okay, BRB Waiting for My Map.

You know I wrote this post about an hour ago. Then I selected everything and accidentally pressed backspace… then poof gone …

So I’m going to start again. Let’s see what I can remember.

Procrastination and punctuality are not two of my strong suits. Unfortunately I’ve spent the past couple of weeks stuck in a rut, waiting for something inspirational to write about or at least something funny. But nothing seems to come to mind .

The problem is I’m tired, very tired . Of doing absolutely nothing, watching other people live out their lives, studying abroad, double majoring, meeting new people and exploring new places. Feeling the sun on their skin from an entirely different side of the equator. It’s other people being successful thing. Yes it’s a thing that bothers a lot of people, yet still… The part that hits me hardest was the fact that I used to be ahead of these people in school, we started from the same place. This sounds very self-centered and narcissistic, trust me I know. But nobody can be positive all the time, and I’ve just been feeling a little out of it lately. Everyone else had such high expectations for me. Heck even I did, however I didn’t know what I wanted to achieve (other than greatness of course), red flag number one.*cough* *cough*

You know there are plenty of things we take for granted, one of them being happiness and positivity. It’s not something that’s easy. It’s hard being positive and enthusiastic about life all the time. It takes a really strong person to keep up the positivity and mean it. It’s very easy to be the negative chap in the room it’s takes the best to find the good. Know someone who’s the sunshine your morning? Gives you great advice and always shows you a perspective you never looked from? Yeah go give them a hug and tell them how much you appreciate their existence, they are one of the strongest people you’ll ever meet .

The novelty has worn off, it was bound to after all. The fun of organizing and sorting tablets into the pillbox (yes I know. I have one of those), reading ingredients of everything eat, avoiding the sun, passing out from exhaustion from watching the world fly by, finding the motivation to do the little things, like making new friends, or working toward a goal, any goal really.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I have, I have a wonderful home, a family that loves me, friends that stand by me and I have full use of all my limbs. I have everything I could possible ever need . Yet I still feel stuck.

I have been focused on myself so long that when I looked up I feel like everyone has left me behind, they are living their lives, making mistakes and memories. Finding themselves. And I’m stuck.

Everyone is on their own journey. They have their own road to follow. Life’s not a race, but damn near feels like it. So I’m stuck, on the side of my road, waiting for a map and a destination.

I have two choices, wait for the sunrise or drive the dark and hope for the best.

I could watch those inspirational movies and read self-help books, visit a psychologist or join a course for self discovery but the first step with all of these processes begins with wanting to be helped. I’m still stuck in this phase. Watching others living their lives making mistakes and memories, not noticing time passing by. For now what to do? Now I wait, not for a sign. But from the feeling inside, wanting to help oneself . Everyone has their adventure set out for them. I can’t wait to start mine, whenever I’m ready or not ready if that makes any sense .

So I guess I’ve kind of come to a conclusion, perhaps not the most exciting decisions, nor a very interesting one. Who knows? Only time will tell.

And now as we await the new year, let the countdown begin. Let the stories of the year be shared and laughed over . Don’t forget to have a magical December! : )

This post didn’t flow the way I originally wrote it, but unfortunately I don’t remember much of the rest.

But I hope that everyone has a fabulous week ahead, find your sunrise, follow your map, make some memories and some friends. Spread some positivity. : )

Have you had any memorable moments recently, got any sunrise stories to share? Comment below you awesome human being!

And thanks for checking out this post. ; )

Songs of the week:

  • Jack and Diane – John Mellencamp
  • The song that’s been stuck in my head all week : Dream Lover – Bobby Darin
  • And La Rumba – Zorro (will get your buns shakin in no time )

Movies of the week:

  • Valerian and the city of a thousand planets .
  • Me Before You – it’s one of those movies that you’ve watched before and it kills you inside but one year later you somehow find yourself clicking on the link once again. Spiraling into an abyss with tissues and heart warming moments. Gotta break your heart to feel good again.

Quote for the week :

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides.” – Barbara Kingsolver

Signing out

A Lost Traveler

(Waiting For Her Sunrise )

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Other People’s Opinions, Customized Pizzas and Other Unrelated Tangents .

Being regular? I wish.
Hey if telling my stomach that don’t work I know telling that to my writing ability is like talking to a brick wall.
Anyways I apologize for my complete lack of punctuality .
I’ve been tired . As in naps 2 times a day tired . As in I’ve had house guests and assignments coming out of my ears tired .
But enough with the excuses .
Let me start off by saying . I have no idea where this post is going . I’m just gonna go with the flow .
I like alfredo pasta . But without the the ham and add some chilli. Don’t forget extra mushrooms and Parmesan. Yes I know . The people behind me in a takeaway line and the person taking my orders hate me . Unfortunately I’m a pick and choose person when it comes to menus . My parents are the same . It comes from years and years of being frustrated and the lack of vegetarian options at most restaurants . What ? Do we gotta stay at home to cook? Or must we just pay 50% more at a “special vegetarian” restaurant . Those are rare . You would find more vegan restaurants around . Let’s get one thing straight . I’m not a vegan food fan . Personally I don’t like it . Too much effort to make simple things and I’m very picky when it comes to my food already. With all the lupus restrictions, no preservatives, no colourants and no garlic I get tired of scouring an empty menu for my food . Vegan for me is too far . I have nothing against it, if you have that urge to go vegan I applaud you. It’s a brave step .

Back to one of the many reasons people are annoyed by me …
Picky orders… they include the Greek pizza replace the spinach with olives and the sauce with chilli paste . And my all time favorite : chicken triple decker, no chicken, replace with mushrooms, no peppers, replace with jalapeños and replace sweet chilli sauce with mayo… yeah . You hate me already I know … I should have one of those difficult customer signs on my t-shirts. I would hate to take my own order .

Let’s chat on something serious for bit : Is there something wrong with you if you’re a teen and partying and drinking never appealed to you? Does chilling at home all Sunday playing video games in your pyjamas automatically mean you’re uncool or some antisocial freak? Would you rather stay at home, bake some brownies, read a book then nap? These are all rhetorical questions by the way. The answer is most definitely no. A rather big helllllllll no. There’s nothing wrong with you. People are very different . Thank god for that. Imagine a world where everyone had the same taste for everything . How many tops that you “had to have” would be sold out? Going to movies must be a schlep cus everyone wants to go see “your” movie. Must suck right?
I only bring this up because I have a certain friend who walks into my life every once in a while just to criticize my social life (or rather the lack of). Tell people to lay off man . Theres no need to think any less of those who do those things either . To each their own. If everyone stopped finding “faults” in their peers maybe they would have better relationships with them. It’s what makes us different that gives us things to talk about, discuss and makes us interesting . That’s a just a quick note I want to throw in. Nothing wrong with me if I don’t wanna party till 2 am and drink and dance the night away. Nothing wrong with me if I wanna go skinny dipping at midnight . As long as you’re not hurting anybody(including yourself) and destroying other people’s things : go for it . Life’s just too damn short to have regrets, do things while you still can. Don’t wait till your times almost up. You only get to be this young once.

Song for this week: I feel like I owe more recommended stuff this week. As I’ve been watching and listening to a lot of random stuff so here’s a list basically :
Karlee Metzger- Samson
Kesha – Hymn
X ambassadors – Ahead of Myself
The Wind and the Wave – Ignition
And last but definitely not least : Portugal. The man – Feel It Still

As for movies : Fools Rush In… anyone who’s a Chandler (from Friends) fan and loves Salma Hayek needs to watch this . If fact if you have eyes and ears watch this . Good movie.
How to be a Latin lover : funny, not as funny as the trailer made it out to be . But still worth a watch. Got some good moments.
Quote for the week : ‘There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.’- Lemony Snicket.

Anyways . Enjoy the week ahead everyone, make some joy.
Signing out
A Very Lazy Human
(With a Choc Chip Cookie Craving)