Other People’s Opinions, Customized Pizzas and Other Unrelated Tangents .

Being regular? I wish.
Hey if telling my stomach that don’t work I know telling that to my writing ability is like talking to a brick wall.
Anyways I apologize for my complete lack of punctuality .
I’ve been tired . As in naps 2 times a day tired . As in I’ve had house guests and assignments coming out of my ears tired .
But enough with the excuses .
Let me start off by saying . I have no idea where this post is going . I’m just gonna go with the flow .
I like alfredo pasta . But without the the ham and add some chilli. Don’t forget extra mushrooms and Parmesan. Yes I know . The people behind me in a takeaway line and the person taking my orders hate me . Unfortunately I’m a pick and choose person when it comes to menus . My parents are the same . It comes from years and years of being frustrated and the lack of vegetarian options at most restaurants . What ? Do we gotta stay at home to cook? Or must we just pay 50% more at a “special vegetarian” restaurant . Those are rare . You would find more vegan restaurants around . Let’s get one thing straight . I’m not a vegan food fan . Personally I don’t like it . Too much effort to make simple things and I’m very picky when it comes to my food already. With all the lupus restrictions, no preservatives, no colourants and no garlic I get tired of scouring an empty menu for my food . Vegan for me is too far . I have nothing against it, if you have that urge to go vegan I applaud you. It’s a brave step .

Back to one of the many reasons people are annoyed by me …
Picky orders… they include the Greek pizza replace the spinach with olives and the sauce with chilli paste . And my all time favorite : chicken triple decker, no chicken, replace with mushrooms, no peppers, replace with jalapeños and replace sweet chilli sauce with mayo… yeah . You hate me already I know … I should have one of those difficult customer signs on my t-shirts. I would hate to take my own order .

Let’s chat on something serious for bit : Is there something wrong with you if you’re a teen and partying and drinking never appealed to you? Does chilling at home all Sunday playing video games in your pyjamas automatically mean you’re uncool or some antisocial freak? Would you rather stay at home, bake some brownies, read a book then nap? These are all rhetorical questions by the way. The answer is most definitely no. A rather big helllllllll no. There’s nothing wrong with you. People are very different . Thank god for that. Imagine a world where everyone had the same taste for everything . How many tops that you “had to have” would be sold out? Going to movies must be a schlep cus everyone wants to go see “your” movie. Must suck right?
I only bring this up because I have a certain friend who walks into my life every once in a while just to criticize my social life (or rather the lack of). Tell people to lay off man . Theres no need to think any less of those who do those things either . To each their own. If everyone stopped finding “faults” in their peers maybe they would have better relationships with them. It’s what makes us different that gives us things to talk about, discuss and makes us interesting . That’s a just a quick note I want to throw in. Nothing wrong with me if I don’t wanna party till 2 am and drink and dance the night away. Nothing wrong with me if I wanna go skinny dipping at midnight . As long as you’re not hurting anybody(including yourself) and destroying other people’s things : go for it . Life’s just too damn short to have regrets, do things while you still can. Don’t wait till your times almost up. You only get to be this young once.

Song for this week: I feel like I owe more recommended stuff this week. As I’ve been watching and listening to a lot of random stuff so here’s a list basically :
Karlee Metzger- Samson
Kesha – Hymn
X ambassadors – Ahead of Myself
The Wind and the Wave – Ignition
And last but definitely not least : Portugal. The man – Feel It Still

As for movies : Fools Rush In… anyone who’s a Chandler (from Friends) fan and loves Salma Hayek needs to watch this . If fact if you have eyes and ears watch this . Good movie.
How to be a Latin lover : funny, not as funny as the trailer made it out to be . But still worth a watch. Got some good moments.
Quote for the week : ‘There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.’- Lemony Snicket.

Anyways . Enjoy the week ahead everyone, make some joy.
Signing out
A Very Lazy Human
(With a Choc Chip Cookie Craving)

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Nostalgia and Time Travel : Nothing Fancy Over Here

Ever had a “moment” where you’re doing something routine ? Whether it be driving to work, sitting in the back seat going to the mall, cutting up fruit for a smoothie or even sitting to read a book on the couch on a Sunday afternoon. A feeling hits you, it’s funny how it affects you, at first you know exactly the moment you’re taken back to then a second later it’s gone and you’re left with that emotion clinging to your chest. Sometimes it knocks the breathe out of you. That is nostalgia, a whole bunch of it . It’s not just remembering the old days when your kids finger painted the dining room walls or when your friends still swapped Pokémons in real life . It can be  feeling you can’t quite put your finger on but you feel it down to the bone, it’s time travel in a millisecond. It can either be the best feeling in the world or the worst. Either way that feeling lasts a hell of a longer time than the actual event. More often than not the flashback is brought about by a song or a smell of food or dust or anything really, it’s brought about by a person, position of the sun in your eyes or just as you’re about to fall asleep in that few seconds of limbo. It’s kind of funny how this kind of memory sneaks up on you. These are the best kind, even if they feel like the worst at the time. 

I had one of those today I couldn’t explain what moment I was taken back to but I felt incredibly well, Like I missed that moment more than anything, I would really do anything to go back to that moment or even to remember what it was like . For me, today, the moment was brought about by a song and as we all know the best way to relive the memory is staring out the window with the music is on while the sun is setting as the perfect backdrop … It’s incredible but it’s distracting, there are plenty hipster quotes and pictures that can summarise this feeling much better than I can with words right now but Long story short. It’s pretty much inexpressible  and if I could try to it would be something close to amazing.

For example, I felt this kind of feeling pretty recently, it was yesterday I had this brief hint of a memory of a certain kind of aroma. I was watching a movie called the Hundred foot journey which reminded me how much how much smells can trigger memories, such powerful ones that you never knew you kept back in that brain of yours. While watching the chef in this movie cook I immediately thought of the sudden combination of the spices and ingredients he was using brought me back to that smell of deep fried tofu in America. They’re delicious if you haven’t tried it out you should give it a whirl it’s amazing. He may have been cooking something entirely different but my brain connected to that specific time. Some things can’t be predicted.

I went back for a brief moment to when I was 6 years old with my Thursday afternoon chinese food : beancurd brown sauce. That’s an example of a wonderful memory that I can actually remember a where the source came from . I felt like a child again, 6 years old walking the streets of Detroit with a packet of yumminess I could not wait to open . Aahh the gift of smell and hearing, your sight and these basic feelings, they have the ability to give you this experience of time travel even for the briefest of seconds.

Another instance that I could give you, was when I had this major crush on this guy(years and years ago).Let’s just say that nobody understood why we liked each other in the first place, one day we were together in a function and we snuck off somewhere to talk and we didn’t get much talking (only talking, don’t make this weird) done before my parents called me downstairs and as I ran down he called out to me from the upstairs balustrades. At that moment I had to stop and to prevent myself from falling over and I clung onto the railing when I looked up at him just as the sun hit his face in a way where I just saw a shadow and a smile and then an instance later I saw his eyes and we had a moment. Maybe it was five seconds, maybe 10 seconds, maybe to 3 whole minutes, we just had a moment. Smiling at each other like idiots. We didn’t say anything until it was over. He said goodbye and that was the end of it. I don’t regret that instance with him and I am not embarrassed of my crush . I am grateful for that memory, it was a beautiful one that I will remember forever. And it’ll probably come back at some stage to bite me in the butt . I’m probably going to be driving or about to fall asleep and that feeling it’s going to hit me, keep me thinking about it for hours. Reveling in the feelings that accompany that memory. But I don’t regret anything and that moment will be worth it. 
Doesn’t mean I still like the person it just means at that moment for a second I travel back to that time when it was perfect. And that’s what makes this whole nostalgia things worth it sometimes it brings out the worst memories which I don’t particularly feel like sharing right now but sometimes, more often, brings out the best. 

Here’s wishing you a week full of wonderful moments, have a lovely week ahead everybody. You deserve it!!! 

Travel a little. In time.You’re worth it.

PS I might be paraphrasing L’Oréal but I do mean it.

Do you have any moments to share. Memories is that you wouldn’t take back? That you don’t regret it all, but the feelings that come with it run indescribably deep? Share below! 🙂 I’de love to hear them.

Song for the week : basically I want to recommend a band . They are called the Bootstraps . A couple of songs by these guys are : stand by me, I’m waiting, and last but definitely not least wild moan. The song I’m waiting is definitely stir up some feels, it’s something to listen to on a slow quiet day, it’s a beautiful song. Give it a listen I promise you you won’t regret it . 

Movie of the week : i’ve been in the Tyler Perry movie mood this week. So today I’m going to recommend diary of a mad Black woman. Yeah it’s just how it sounds but it’s a good movie. If you have time check out his other movies too. 

Quote for the week : “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss .           Clever man, really knew what he was talking about . 
Signing out 

A Very Pensive Human

(With A Hankering For Some Chocolate)

True Love Conquers All and Doughnuts In the Microwave

Good news, this week I got uncapped wi-fi this week. Which also means I have had little to no sleep this past week. I don’t even know what movies I watch these days. I mean I have watched every Tyler Perry movie out there . Madea is no longer the funniest person on Tv anymore to me . I mean I even watched french movies and beauty and the beast for the 10th time . Desperate much?
Yeah you bet I am . On the bright side I have plenty of movies to recommend this week.
The first is the french version of beauty and the beast. I believe it’s called La Belle et la Béte.. The storylines a bit different but what is truly fascinating about this movie is the detail put into it. The scenery is gorgeous . The dresses are beautiful and most importantly.. the roses.. They are extraordinarily stunning. An absolute visual masterpiece. Forgetting about the storyline is pretty easy throughout the movie. It’s worth a watch give it a try.

As I write this I’m on my way to Durban. The land of bunny chows, busy beaches and many masala shops. Okay I may be being very stereotypical right now but I’m from there. So I’m allowed to be. Spent eight years of my life there. Made some awesome memories . Every weekend I was at the beach. I had an amazing school and perfect friends and don’t get me started on my grandmothers dessert cupboard (she is a caterer). When we moved it was the best decision and the worst decision ever.

My schedule when it comes to writing is entirely messed up. I’m gonna be honest here and say that this was also a way of procrastinating during exam times. Writing flows easier when I have other things to do. Using the current moment as an example. I have a room to clean. Clothes to fold. Jewellery for the past week to put away and a bed to make. Lots of things that take very little time once I get started that I am now avoiding . Procrastination my friend, it’s a very large problem in this head of mine.

I am now safe and sound at home. I started this post last week. I’m so terrible with my timing. I should have stressed earlier that I was anticipating a relaxing trip. Filled with peaceful hotel nights, free wi-fi and an assortment of junk food to keep me happy in the backseat of the car. Boy was I wrong . How can I begin to describe it…
First of all yay great news I am on the way to remission with my lupus . If all goes well i’ll be able to have coffee again in a year #Keepingthedreamalive. Yeah that was the one good thing that happened actually.
The place we were staying at was 2 hours away from Durban . So that trip was totally amazing as you can guess. We got lost for four whole hours. Reached the place at 12 pm. it had no tv, no wi-fi, none of the heaters worked and I probably would have been more comfortable had it been above 10 degrees outside. We all mutually agreed we were gonna pack up and leave the next day . The truly terrible news is that the doughnut that I had carefully kept to eat by myself in the microwave was forgotten. I only remembered once were way back on the highway . I was beyond tragic really.
I had to go to a ceremony for my parents late friend ( a wonderful woman ). The ceremony was great (we were late) and it was great seeing old friend again. But my gosh were there a lot of old indian aunties there. Try explaining why you took a gap year this year to these woman. I dare ya! The conversation will go something like this :
Them : so what do you have planned this year ?
Me : Oh I’m just taking a gap year
Them : Yes yes that’s nice. But what exactly are you studying
Me : I’m not . I took the year off aunty
Them : But why? Whats wrong ?
Me : Nothing aunty I just felt like it
Them : *Looks at my parents in pity*
Them: *Proceeds to ask my parents the exact same questions*
Yeah so that was a hoot.
There are many many more stories about this weekend I could tell but I want to focus on something positive right now. I attended a wedding this week. The groom was the most soft-spoken person I’ve ever met in my life and the bride was a very confident blind woman . Both parties were quite accomplished and both are extremely wonderful people but the reason why this wedding was so amazing was because of the fight that led up to it.
The groom parents were hesitant about him marrying someone blind. Now I mean seriously.  She attended normal school all her life, she has a degree in two languages, she has travelled the world and she has her own business. What else does a girl have to do ? Tame her own lion? The groom, in the many years that I have known him, is the most easy-going person ever. Like ever(The amount of likes in my paragraphs is the teenage in me coming out, I apologize profusely )  . He wanted this marriage to happen so much because they were in love. Now come on, Who doesn’t love LOVE? To me, for someone like that to go against his nature and speak out for what he wants should say a lot about how strongly he feels. Obviously after a while (over a year) the parents came around and ceremony was beautiful and amazing (as it should have been), wanna know what their reason was?
How much he smiled when he was with her. And how happy he got when they accepted he was going to marry the girl of his dreams. Disney movies don’t even get endings like this. That story was perfect. The reason was perfect and if any of us get to experience a story like that in our lifetimes we would be so lucky. *sighs*

Things to do this week :

  • research dance classes
  • clean my room
  • learn to make two new dishes
  • try out new cheesecake recipe
  • buy new doughnut
  • find nail polish remover
  • buy more cheese

Okay I got super bored yesterday. I believe I have watched almost every movie under the sun at this point and I may have watched too many series lately where the friends marry their friends as ministers .. yeah see what I’m leading up to ? I GOT ORDAINED. Yeah you read right. Unfortunately its only valid in the United States (maybe Canada, really not sure) but then at least it will be a wedding and a honeymoon and I would get to tag along like a third wheel. Awesome. Turns out becoming a minister in South Africa is a much longer process. Going down to registrars office and filling in paper work and there’s an exam. I mean I haven’t reached that level of boredom yet but hey you never know.. maybe next week.
On another plus side I have conquered my fear of driving on the highway. I did that last week and I didn’t kill anybody (my bar should really be a lot higher). So yes I really did deserve that doughnut…
Another movie recommendation : the Beauty Shop – Something a bit odd but mainly plain ole funny. Guaranteed you’ll enjoy it. I’m totally a Queen Latifah fan. Who thought Kevin Kostner could pull that accent off ? Not me until I watched that movie. Rocking those highlights man . Short story : against the odds Gina (Queen Latifah) opens and runs a Beauty shop and hair salon (are those the same thing ? I’m not sure ). She runs into some trouble here and there (fines, odd sandwich ladies and a very attractive neighbour of sorts) but hustles through like a boss.
Music recommendation : Got two songs for you.
For the EDM kind of music fans : Golden Pineapple – Jay Hardway. I’m a little obsessed right now.
For everyone on this earth: Despacito – Luis Fonsi ft Daddy Yankee . Why haven’t I heard this song until now ??? I have been living under a rock…
Quote for the week : “Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don’t see what goes on underground – as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don’t see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree” – Joyce Meyer

Have a lovely week ahead everyone !!

Signing Out
A Contemplative Human Being
(Who Is Trying To Find The Perfect Doughnut)

source

 

Its the first time I have posted twice  in one day . I feel like I need to emphasise being grateful in life today.  Please do something kind for someone else this week. Be grateful for life. Love it. Live it. For it is as short as it is bittersweet .

Have a lovely day.

Once Upon Another Time And The Colours Of Mourning

At my funeral I want the song Once upon a time by Sara Bareilles to be played. Aside from the flow of the song which conveys some sense of melancholy and wistfulness they words are really what gets to you. The song has such a beautiful meaning that needs to be shared.

I started thinking about death and living today. Our dear friends who I have known all my life gave us a call today. The mom of the family has been battling cancer for the past four to five years. She was in remission for a while then the cancer came back. These people are just about the friendliest family I have had the pleasure of knowing for all of my eighteen years and how their lives have changed over the past half a decade is quite astonishing. Anyways back to the phonecall, we were informed that it doesn’t look as if she will make it past the weekend. Now, my mother has retired downstairs for an evening of silence and my dad… well nothings changed really. He’s still making inappropriate jokes about death and funerals … perhaps that’s why my mother went to be alone. That’s just the way he is though. Me, well I have taken to play my funeral song on repeat while I try to wrap my head around this news. I’m Really gonna miss her, her odd, extreme health recipes and her gifts which tried to encourage hobbies like sugar crafting and origami (sadly books I have not read yet.. Shame on me !) . The only thing left to say is I wish she had more time.
It’s never and easy thing to accept death, or the eventuality of it. It takes a lot of time. I can’t imagine waiting for death, being aware of how little time I have left before my spirit leaves my body . I don’t want to imagine it. It’s quite hard to watch a family member slowly succumb to such a painful disease.It’s heartbreaking, when you truly love someone it can break you.

There are several types of people when it comes to dealing with grief:

  • The Negative Nelly
  • The Weeping Willow
  • The Wisecracker everybody wants to punch
  • The Introverted statue
  • The Narcissist (self-explanatory)
  • The Storyteller

There are probably are a lot more but those are the only ones that come to mind right now. My dad obviously is the wisecracker in the family. As am I with a mix of narcissism quite a bit of weeping and cursing God … and so on and so forth. My mother on the other hand is full on introverted weeping willow. We explain death to ourselves in the simplest way. Gods got other plans for you. We aren’t religious in this family but we are spiritual. When you’ve reached your time on this earth God will call your spirit back. Though we believe attachment to materialistic thing including the bodies of our spirits it still hurts like hell when another person leaves us.
In the Indian culture we wear white to funerals, in the western culture they wear black, in Egypt the colour yellow is associated with mourning and in Thailand widows are required to wear purple when morning the death of their spouse. Different cultures different traditions.
In the indian culture we wear while to symbolise purity, unity and clarity. In india widows are required to wear only white after their husband dies. White is also a colour of mourning in Ethiopia .
In the Western culture the tradition of wearing black for funerals comes from the roman empire times when the romans would wear dark coloured togas as a symbol of mourning.
In Egypt the colour yellow(or gold) is associated with the sun and being imperishable and eternal. That’s why the Sarcophagus of the kings were coated in gold .
Very interesting to research the culture all over the word when it comes to death. All of them pay respects to the dead though, some celebrate, some mourn, it’s up to the individual really.

To live life to the fullest should be our goal in this world . You have enough money? Travel the world . You haven’t gone home kicked of your shoes and did absolutely nothing for an afternoon ? Why the hell not ? Go do it. The aim of life isn’t to squander your energy into work and pretending to be friends with people you hate or buying the latest car . The aim of life is to enjoy it and help give back to earth and others. If you have too much of something learn to share. Don’t take things or people for granted. Whether it be your health, your ability to read or walk or even a fully stocked pantry. Appreciate it all. Life very short, and it doesn’t come with a timer , you never know when your time will be up. Better make it a good journey. Something for people to remember forever. When you’re gone, people will miss you and the kind things you did. You don’t want them to talk about how much money you made, or what the latest phone you bought was, Please, give them unique memories. Make your soul irreplaceable . Because you are. Every single person out there. You know you’ve lived a good life by how much you’ve impacted others lives. In the best way possible. Remember to be missed.

There are so many things left unsaid on this topic but I’ll leave that for another week.
Enjoy your week ahead everyone. Go cross at least one thing off your bucket list this week.
Quote for the week““Mom, why do the best people die?” “When you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?” “The most beautiful ones.” ~UNKNOWN
Song of the week : Revolution By The Scores. Seriously check these guys out. To be honest I enjoy every song they have released. Do yourself a favour and listen to their music.
Movie of the week : I Don’t have wi-fi sorry… haha next week I’ll recommend two movies. Promise.
Actually ….go watch the movie Three Idiots. It’s an indian movie(there are subtitles don’t worry), theres also a spanish remake of it .But it’s a really funny touching story. You will enjoy it, guaranteed.

Signing off
(A Very Wi-fi Deprived Soul)
(With Social Issues)

Mind Your Own Biscuits and Give Me Back My Tea!….Please

The time has come once again where it’s so cold indoors that there is no need to worry about forgetting to put the cheese back in the fridge because the outside is a flippin freezer . Or that you’re on your third cup of cocoa and it’s only 3 in the afternoon . Down here in South Africa when it’s cocoa time means it’s cuddle up in blankets time . No Christmassy shit around here . While the entire northern hemisphere is off gallivanting in shortie shorts and an assortment of Miss Matched flip-flops we down here (yes even if it’s still Africa) are freezing our rosy butt cheeks off . Granted 8 degrees isn’t close to what Canada calls cold but down here … Trust me . We sure find a need to pull out the space heaters, hot packs and somehow rationalize drinking over 6 cups of tea,milo or cocoa to get us through our day. Forget about regular bedtime, ten pm? You must be joking. Cus the sun sets early? Well then damn! So do we!
It’s like the entire normal living routine shifts .On a normal summer evening i would be fine with burning the midnight oil but in winter you can forget it my friend. Laziness and the need for that kind of warmth that suffocates you  just takes over … Mhmm . Never in my life do I have so much hot Chocolate as these three months … Ahh the fatter you are the less you feel cold . I’m just beefing up for warmth . If its good enough for bears and the walruses its good enough for me! Am I being convincing enough yet?

Yeah I’m not convincing myself either. This is why summer is hard for me. It’s a vicious cycle. as soon as we slim down for summer its time to fatten up for winter again. A damn shame I’m telling you.
Anyways while my tush is freezing under these layers of blankets I’ve succumbed to the laziness that I’ve just been talking about , I haven’t written at all . I have been reading, rewatching all the Disney movies and discovering new ways of stuffing a Panini . This is my way of coping with winter .
Anyone else got some good ideas how to pass time with a cup of tea?
You know that point in summer .. After you’ve hugged your sleeveless tops and sandals and you’re sick of shaving your legs every second day and the bugs and mosquitoes have bitten every inch of your skin. .. That moment where you suddenly miss your jackets and jerseys  and lets not forget the mismatched tracksuits(let’s be honest we all have a couple of pairs). You miss the warmth under the blanket, eating cookies by the fire and wearing tights socks and boots that make you appear inches taller than you already are(god knows I need those inches) .
Mhmm yeah? See a pattern? It’s amazing right? We only miss the good parts of every season . We don’t appreciate the weather when we have it . Kinda funny hey ! But right now if you’ll excuse me I have to go back to my hoard of blankets and superhero mugs filled with hot chocolate with little marshmallows like the grown up woman that I am.

Lesson learnt today : Wear a T-Shirt with the words “ I AM A FULLY GROWN ADULT : OVER 18” printed out cus clearly people aren’t getting the message. I was approached for the 110th time today when someone asked me in the mall whether my mom was looking for me or if I was looking for her. When I got over the fact that I was indeed hearing correctly and I asked her how old she thought I was she said fourteen … Not bad actually, the average with meeting strangers is twelve, I kid you not people still offer me kiddies menus. They say when I’m forty I’ll appreciate it. So yeah I’ll stop complaining in roughly 20 years

Song of the week : Biscuits by Kacey Musgraves. Yep Mind your own biscuits people. The perfect song for your nosey neighbors and your gossipy coworkers.  Great way to subtly give the hint is to flip it to full volume whenever they start talking. Works every time and its way more convenient  than carrying around a blender full of ice to plug-in. It’s also better than spitting in their coffee or having your dog take a dump in their yard every morning.

Quote of the week : “Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”– Yoko Ono. Something to think about actually, if you will excuse me I’m going to persevere to my warm bed after this… I joke… okay not really.. But on a serious note it is something to think about, the seasons bring back all sorts of memories and feelings, sit back and enjoy the ones from winter for now southern hemisphere ….

Goodnight to all . Signing out.

A Fluffy Penguin With Socks 

(And a kettle boiling as we speak)

One Day (spoilers ahead please be advised): Love and Life

Last week a friend recommended a movie to me. This friend happens to be my person(I’ve been watching plenty of greys anatomy lately). She doesn’t have terrible movie taste aside for her obsession with musicals but I’m afraid she doesn’t know me it all.
She recommended the movie ‘One Day’ originally a book by David Nicholls . Hats off to this author for such a … moving story.

It’s a story about two best friends who are in love with each other who had their ups and downs in life and to be quite honest it was the most soul wrenching movie I’ve watched in a long time. I hate emotional rollercoaster movies, and I especially hate sad movies. Now when those are put together, well, I simply can’t stand them. The movie, I think, was the most relatable because it felt so goddamn real. you know life won’t always have a happy ending. In fact it never does, there will never be the perfect person or relationship and sometimes the people you love make you won’t to cut out your heart and hide it away because it hurts so much from the words they say or the things they do. Perhaps they disappoint you in every way possible or don’t appreciate you at all. Whether it be a mother , a lover, a sister or brother (see, I’m even starting to rhyme) or especially a best friend, people are not perfect, life with people in or out of it is not perfect. After this movie had come to a close there were many questions I found myself thinking about. The very first one was : Is love really worth it?
Now you can ask people who have been divorced, been heartbroken, had loved ones die, and hurt a loved one themselves that very same question. The answer is always YES. You can love the wrong person, you can love the right person, you can love multiple people. But goddamn is it worth it. Watching that love story unfold made me question my entire outlook on my future love life.
Had Emma never stayed over that night, never invited on going for a walk, never gave Dexter her number and most certainly never fell in love. She might not have died that way, she wouldn’t have wasted twenty odd years pining for a guy she didn’t have. Obviously that wouldn’t have made a very good movie but she would be alive, perhaps she wouldn’t have had so many emotional ups and downs in her life. But who wants a movies or a book like that ?
You ask why, secretly, we romanticise love being tragic, being heart breaking and soul sucking …. The answer is simply that that’s because it’s what we secretly want from out life. Heart break, tears and simply put an indescribable feeling called love. We yearn for it, crave it and worship it. Life cannot be as bleak as the cement ground of the side-walk or the khaki trousers of a middle school uniform. We seek colour and vibrancy, we search for adventure. Love is not an easy thing, the heart is fickle and decisive all at the same time and the mind ? Well thats simply makes life harder.
The choices in the movie are quite hard to watch, hard to imagine and bloody hell they look hard to make. There is a longer essay somewhere on how this book made a person feel or how the movie impacted someones life but for now here’s my relatively unorganised thoughts on the matter.
I would not read this book in my lifetime because I’m afraid my heart could not handle it. Strong love like this brings a person to tears. If the movie can make me question my life just imagine the impact of the book.

Another question that comes to mind is will I ever love someone that much ? That intensely ? Or for so long?
Call me cynical but love does not last in this world. True love is not a common occurrence. People can be married, love each other but at most times not like each other at all. People can be divorced and hate each other or divorced and still love each other. People can fall in love from one glance and spend the rest of their lives together or spend decades with someone only to realise that you don’t love them anymore or worst of all that you didn’t love them at all.
Love comes in many shapes and sizes, in literature, in film and most certainly it’s only experienced by us personally. We can show it feel it share it but we are the only one that know how strongly we feel about someone else. We don’t know how love feels to them and most certainly never will know. We rely on them to tell us. Sometimes that takes time and most certainly sometimes that time is too long. God I certainly hope I have the courage to tell someone when I love them. I do also hope that they say it back, say it back and mean it because I will never truly know until they do. It’s not the main point to have someone love you back. Its more the point of having the courage to say how the most feeling emotional and hardest to convince part of you to someone else. It’s the risk of offering your heart to another person and trusting them tot take the utmost care of it. This doesn’t necessarily apply to boyfriends, girlfriends or husbands or wives. Sometimes an ‘I Love You‘ is all a friend needs to hear, or a mother or a father or a stranger on the street (pick your strangers and words wisely I beg of you) . But love is a powerful emotion and certainly the emotion I fear the most .

The loss and suffering of loved ones is the continuous focus of the movie and quite frankly it’s so damn moving because its true. To be quite honest I’m not sure whether I want to love someone enough not to be able to live without them. To not be able to imagine my life without waking up to them every single day. To wonder whether them dying or them leaving me is better or worse. I know it’s a fantasy to believe love last forever, for the lucky ones it does. But for these of us it’s not so simple, love takes hard effort and time, most certainly it takes guts but most importantly it needs a heart. They good this is we all definitely have one, the not so good thing is not all of us want to share it, or we share it too willingly .

I see why people write books on it and sing songs about it, cry over it and gain inspiration from it. Love bring out something that is indescribable and we will forever live trying to describe it, draw it, feel it and see it. Not a bad way to live life at all. Speaking of songs written about love. I put on the radio while we were in the car today and one of my all time favourite songs called ‘Fast Car” by Tracey Chapman came on. This is ultimately a song with a beautiful beat but with feeling as well. It’s a song about love. A Sad song, but a love song never the less. Bringing back nostalgia and young love , falling out it and missing it into one wonderful set of lyrics and voice which cannot be replaced or covered in the same light. Some may not share my views on this song and that okay. But I love it for my own reasons, and that’s what makes it important to me.

I have many more question that I need to ask myself, and plenty more conclusions from this movie. But the one I feel most strongly about so far is one day I hope I can love someone that much, I hope even more than that they love me just as much, even more than that, I hope that we can be together for as long as possible.
Unfortunately as a teenager I find myself pushed too soon into this adult world, the environment that I live in encourages dating many people before settle down, having random sex with strangers and celebrating it too. I happen, regrettably, (for my need to cuddle with something other than my blanket) to believe in true love, I find it hard to believe that I will love one person for the rest of my life but god do I wish for it. All the ups and downs and heart-breaks and crying and laughter. I want it all. I just hope it finds me.
This movie will take you apart and before you notice it , put you aback together. You won’t be the same, but you will certainly be better off than you were before .

I don’t like these kind of movies, but they make me see the world differently, I really won’t be able to forget this wonderful story and I regret watching it only because of the way it made me feel but I would whole heartedly recommend it to anyone and everyone else.
My best friend recommended this movie and told me I would like it, she was wrong I hated it but my god I also loved it. She may know me the best of all. I wouldn’t be able to imagine life without her. I most certainly am not going to even try.
Movie of the week : (take a wild guess)
Song of the week : Northern lights – Jaymes Young . A song for the dreamers and most certainly an artist to follow. Do enjoy !
My favourite quote from the book” One day “ :“What are you going to do with your life?” In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer… “Live each day as if it’s your last’, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn’t practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”
― David Nicholls, One Day
I know it’s a rather long one but it really is a beautiful quote, it’s also quite fitting when describing the movie. Heres to you falling in love with it like I did.

P.S I bought a rainbow unicorn onesie today, I think I may have found my soulmate!

Goodnight to all.
(A Human With Really Puffy Eyes)
(And A Heart And Soul)