Not Being Okay Is Okay, BRB Waiting for My Map.

You know I wrote this post about an hour ago. Then I selected everything and accidentally pressed backspace… then poof gone …

So I’m going to start again. Let’s see what I can remember.

Procrastination and punctuality are not two of my strong suits. Unfortunately I’ve spent the past couple of weeks stuck in a rut, waiting for something inspirational to write about or at least something funny. But nothing seems to come to mind .

The problem is I’m tired, very tired . Of doing absolutely nothing, watching other people live out their lives, studying abroad, double majoring, meeting new people and exploring new places. Feeling the sun on their skin from an entirely different side of the equator. It’s other people being successful thing. Yes it’s a thing that bothers a lot of people, yet still… The part that hits me hardest was the fact that I used to be ahead of these people in school, we started from the same place. This sounds very self-centered and narcissistic, trust me I know. But nobody can be positive all the time, and I’ve just been feeling a little out of it lately. Everyone else had such high expectations for me. Heck even I did, however I didn’t know what I wanted to achieve (other than greatness of course), red flag number one.*cough* *cough*

You know there are plenty of things we take for granted, one of them being happiness and positivity. It’s not something that’s easy. It’s hard being positive and enthusiastic about life all the time. It takes a really strong person to keep up the positivity and mean it. It’s very easy to be the negative chap in the room it’s takes the best to find the good. Know someone who’s the sunshine your morning? Gives you great advice and always shows you a perspective you never looked from? Yeah go give them a hug and tell them how much you appreciate their existence, they are one of the strongest people you’ll ever meet .

The novelty has worn off, it was bound to after all. The fun of organizing and sorting tablets into the pillbox (yes I know. I have one of those), reading ingredients of everything eat, avoiding the sun, passing out from exhaustion from watching the world fly by, finding the motivation to do the little things, like making new friends, or working toward a goal, any goal really.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I have, I have a wonderful home, a family that loves me, friends that stand by me and I have full use of all my limbs. I have everything I could possible ever need . Yet I still feel stuck.

I have been focused on myself so long that when I looked up I feel like everyone has left me behind, they are living their lives, making mistakes and memories. Finding themselves. And I’m stuck.

Everyone is on their own journey. They have their own road to follow. Life’s not a race, but damn near feels like it. So I’m stuck, on the side of my road, waiting for a map and a destination.

I have two choices, wait for the sunrise or drive the dark and hope for the best.

I could watch those inspirational movies and read self-help books, visit a psychologist or join a course for self discovery but the first step with all of these processes begins with wanting to be helped. I’m still stuck in this phase. Watching others living their lives making mistakes and memories, not noticing time passing by. For now what to do? Now I wait, not for a sign. But from the feeling inside, wanting to help oneself . Everyone has their adventure set out for them. I can’t wait to start mine, whenever I’m ready or not ready if that makes any sense .

So I guess I’ve kind of come to a conclusion, perhaps not the most exciting decisions, nor a very interesting one. Who knows? Only time will tell.

And now as we await the new year, let the countdown begin. Let the stories of the year be shared and laughed over . Don’t forget to have a magical December! : )

This post didn’t flow the way I originally wrote it, but unfortunately I don’t remember much of the rest.

But I hope that everyone has a fabulous week ahead, find your sunrise, follow your map, make some memories and some friends. Spread some positivity. : )

Have you had any memorable moments recently, got any sunrise stories to share? Comment below you awesome human being!

And thanks for checking out this post. ; )

Songs of the week:

  • Jack and Diane – John Mellencamp
  • The song that’s been stuck in my head all week : Dream Lover – Bobby Darin
  • And La Rumba – Zorro (will get your buns shakin in no time )

Movies of the week:

  • Valerian and the city of a thousand planets .
  • Me Before You – it’s one of those movies that you’ve watched before and it kills you inside but one year later you somehow find yourself clicking on the link once again. Spiraling into an abyss with tissues and heart warming moments. Gotta break your heart to feel good again.

Quote for the week :

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides.” – Barbara Kingsolver

Signing out

A Lost Traveler

(Waiting For Her Sunrise )

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Nostalgia and Time Travel : Nothing Fancy Over Here

Ever had a “moment” where you’re doing something routine ? Whether it be driving to work, sitting in the back seat going to the mall, cutting up fruit for a smoothie or even sitting to read a book on the couch on a Sunday afternoon. A feeling hits you, it’s funny how it affects you, at first you know exactly the moment you’re taken back to then a second later it’s gone and you’re left with that emotion clinging to your chest. Sometimes it knocks the breathe out of you. That is nostalgia, a whole bunch of it . It’s not just remembering the old days when your kids finger painted the dining room walls or when your friends still swapped Pokémons in real life . It can be  feeling you can’t quite put your finger on but you feel it down to the bone, it’s time travel in a millisecond. It can either be the best feeling in the world or the worst. Either way that feeling lasts a hell of a longer time than the actual event. More often than not the flashback is brought about by a song or a smell of food or dust or anything really, it’s brought about by a person, position of the sun in your eyes or just as you’re about to fall asleep in that few seconds of limbo. It’s kind of funny how this kind of memory sneaks up on you. These are the best kind, even if they feel like the worst at the time. 

I had one of those today I couldn’t explain what moment I was taken back to but I felt incredibly well, Like I missed that moment more than anything, I would really do anything to go back to that moment or even to remember what it was like . For me, today, the moment was brought about by a song and as we all know the best way to relive the memory is staring out the window with the music is on while the sun is setting as the perfect backdrop … It’s incredible but it’s distracting, there are plenty hipster quotes and pictures that can summarise this feeling much better than I can with words right now but Long story short. It’s pretty much inexpressible  and if I could try to it would be something close to amazing.

For example, I felt this kind of feeling pretty recently, it was yesterday I had this brief hint of a memory of a certain kind of aroma. I was watching a movie called the Hundred foot journey which reminded me how much how much smells can trigger memories, such powerful ones that you never knew you kept back in that brain of yours. While watching the chef in this movie cook I immediately thought of the sudden combination of the spices and ingredients he was using brought me back to that smell of deep fried tofu in America. They’re delicious if you haven’t tried it out you should give it a whirl it’s amazing. He may have been cooking something entirely different but my brain connected to that specific time. Some things can’t be predicted.

I went back for a brief moment to when I was 6 years old with my Thursday afternoon chinese food : beancurd brown sauce. That’s an example of a wonderful memory that I can actually remember a where the source came from . I felt like a child again, 6 years old walking the streets of Detroit with a packet of yumminess I could not wait to open . Aahh the gift of smell and hearing, your sight and these basic feelings, they have the ability to give you this experience of time travel even for the briefest of seconds.

Another instance that I could give you, was when I had this major crush on this guy(years and years ago).Let’s just say that nobody understood why we liked each other in the first place, one day we were together in a function and we snuck off somewhere to talk and we didn’t get much talking (only talking, don’t make this weird) done before my parents called me downstairs and as I ran down he called out to me from the upstairs balustrades. At that moment I had to stop and to prevent myself from falling over and I clung onto the railing when I looked up at him just as the sun hit his face in a way where I just saw a shadow and a smile and then an instance later I saw his eyes and we had a moment. Maybe it was five seconds, maybe 10 seconds, maybe to 3 whole minutes, we just had a moment. Smiling at each other like idiots. We didn’t say anything until it was over. He said goodbye and that was the end of it. I don’t regret that instance with him and I am not embarrassed of my crush . I am grateful for that memory, it was a beautiful one that I will remember forever. And it’ll probably come back at some stage to bite me in the butt . I’m probably going to be driving or about to fall asleep and that feeling it’s going to hit me, keep me thinking about it for hours. Reveling in the feelings that accompany that memory. But I don’t regret anything and that moment will be worth it. 
Doesn’t mean I still like the person it just means at that moment for a second I travel back to that time when it was perfect. And that’s what makes this whole nostalgia things worth it sometimes it brings out the worst memories which I don’t particularly feel like sharing right now but sometimes, more often, brings out the best. 

Here’s wishing you a week full of wonderful moments, have a lovely week ahead everybody. You deserve it!!! 

Travel a little. In time.You’re worth it.

PS I might be paraphrasing L’Oréal but I do mean it.

Do you have any moments to share. Memories is that you wouldn’t take back? That you don’t regret it all, but the feelings that come with it run indescribably deep? Share below! 🙂 I’de love to hear them.

Song for the week : basically I want to recommend a band . They are called the Bootstraps . A couple of songs by these guys are : stand by me, I’m waiting, and last but definitely not least wild moan. The song I’m waiting is definitely stir up some feels, it’s something to listen to on a slow quiet day, it’s a beautiful song. Give it a listen I promise you you won’t regret it . 

Movie of the week : i’ve been in the Tyler Perry movie mood this week. So today I’m going to recommend diary of a mad Black woman. Yeah it’s just how it sounds but it’s a good movie. If you have time check out his other movies too. 

Quote for the week : “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory” – Dr Seuss .           Clever man, really knew what he was talking about . 
Signing out 

A Very Pensive Human

(With A Hankering For Some Chocolate)

True Love Conquers All and Doughnuts In the Microwave

Good news, this week I got uncapped wi-fi this week. Which also means I have had little to no sleep this past week. I don’t even know what movies I watch these days. I mean I have watched every Tyler Perry movie out there . Madea is no longer the funniest person on Tv anymore to me . I mean I even watched french movies and beauty and the beast for the 10th time . Desperate much?
Yeah you bet I am . On the bright side I have plenty of movies to recommend this week.
The first is the french version of beauty and the beast. I believe it’s called La Belle et la Béte.. The storylines a bit different but what is truly fascinating about this movie is the detail put into it. The scenery is gorgeous . The dresses are beautiful and most importantly.. the roses.. They are extraordinarily stunning. An absolute visual masterpiece. Forgetting about the storyline is pretty easy throughout the movie. It’s worth a watch give it a try.

As I write this I’m on my way to Durban. The land of bunny chows, busy beaches and many masala shops. Okay I may be being very stereotypical right now but I’m from there. So I’m allowed to be. Spent eight years of my life there. Made some awesome memories . Every weekend I was at the beach. I had an amazing school and perfect friends and don’t get me started on my grandmothers dessert cupboard (she is a caterer). When we moved it was the best decision and the worst decision ever.

My schedule when it comes to writing is entirely messed up. I’m gonna be honest here and say that this was also a way of procrastinating during exam times. Writing flows easier when I have other things to do. Using the current moment as an example. I have a room to clean. Clothes to fold. Jewellery for the past week to put away and a bed to make. Lots of things that take very little time once I get started that I am now avoiding . Procrastination my friend, it’s a very large problem in this head of mine.

I am now safe and sound at home. I started this post last week. I’m so terrible with my timing. I should have stressed earlier that I was anticipating a relaxing trip. Filled with peaceful hotel nights, free wi-fi and an assortment of junk food to keep me happy in the backseat of the car. Boy was I wrong . How can I begin to describe it…
First of all yay great news I am on the way to remission with my lupus . If all goes well i’ll be able to have coffee again in a year #Keepingthedreamalive. Yeah that was the one good thing that happened actually.
The place we were staying at was 2 hours away from Durban . So that trip was totally amazing as you can guess. We got lost for four whole hours. Reached the place at 12 pm. it had no tv, no wi-fi, none of the heaters worked and I probably would have been more comfortable had it been above 10 degrees outside. We all mutually agreed we were gonna pack up and leave the next day . The truly terrible news is that the doughnut that I had carefully kept to eat by myself in the microwave was forgotten. I only remembered once were way back on the highway . I was beyond tragic really.
I had to go to a ceremony for my parents late friend ( a wonderful woman ). The ceremony was great (we were late) and it was great seeing old friend again. But my gosh were there a lot of old indian aunties there. Try explaining why you took a gap year this year to these woman. I dare ya! The conversation will go something like this :
Them : so what do you have planned this year ?
Me : Oh I’m just taking a gap year
Them : Yes yes that’s nice. But what exactly are you studying
Me : I’m not . I took the year off aunty
Them : But why? Whats wrong ?
Me : Nothing aunty I just felt like it
Them : *Looks at my parents in pity*
Them: *Proceeds to ask my parents the exact same questions*
Yeah so that was a hoot.
There are many many more stories about this weekend I could tell but I want to focus on something positive right now. I attended a wedding this week. The groom was the most soft-spoken person I’ve ever met in my life and the bride was a very confident blind woman . Both parties were quite accomplished and both are extremely wonderful people but the reason why this wedding was so amazing was because of the fight that led up to it.
The groom parents were hesitant about him marrying someone blind. Now I mean seriously.  She attended normal school all her life, she has a degree in two languages, she has travelled the world and she has her own business. What else does a girl have to do ? Tame her own lion? The groom, in the many years that I have known him, is the most easy-going person ever. Like ever(The amount of likes in my paragraphs is the teenage in me coming out, I apologize profusely )  . He wanted this marriage to happen so much because they were in love. Now come on, Who doesn’t love LOVE? To me, for someone like that to go against his nature and speak out for what he wants should say a lot about how strongly he feels. Obviously after a while (over a year) the parents came around and ceremony was beautiful and amazing (as it should have been), wanna know what their reason was?
How much he smiled when he was with her. And how happy he got when they accepted he was going to marry the girl of his dreams. Disney movies don’t even get endings like this. That story was perfect. The reason was perfect and if any of us get to experience a story like that in our lifetimes we would be so lucky. *sighs*

Things to do this week :

  • research dance classes
  • clean my room
  • learn to make two new dishes
  • try out new cheesecake recipe
  • buy new doughnut
  • find nail polish remover
  • buy more cheese

Okay I got super bored yesterday. I believe I have watched almost every movie under the sun at this point and I may have watched too many series lately where the friends marry their friends as ministers .. yeah see what I’m leading up to ? I GOT ORDAINED. Yeah you read right. Unfortunately its only valid in the United States (maybe Canada, really not sure) but then at least it will be a wedding and a honeymoon and I would get to tag along like a third wheel. Awesome. Turns out becoming a minister in South Africa is a much longer process. Going down to registrars office and filling in paper work and there’s an exam. I mean I haven’t reached that level of boredom yet but hey you never know.. maybe next week.
On another plus side I have conquered my fear of driving on the highway. I did that last week and I didn’t kill anybody (my bar should really be a lot higher). So yes I really did deserve that doughnut…
Another movie recommendation : the Beauty Shop – Something a bit odd but mainly plain ole funny. Guaranteed you’ll enjoy it. I’m totally a Queen Latifah fan. Who thought Kevin Kostner could pull that accent off ? Not me until I watched that movie. Rocking those highlights man . Short story : against the odds Gina (Queen Latifah) opens and runs a Beauty shop and hair salon (are those the same thing ? I’m not sure ). She runs into some trouble here and there (fines, odd sandwich ladies and a very attractive neighbour of sorts) but hustles through like a boss.
Music recommendation : Got two songs for you.
For the EDM kind of music fans : Golden Pineapple – Jay Hardway. I’m a little obsessed right now.
For everyone on this earth: Despacito – Luis Fonsi ft Daddy Yankee . Why haven’t I heard this song until now ??? I have been living under a rock…
Quote for the week : “Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don’t see what goes on underground – as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don’t see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree” – Joyce Meyer

Have a lovely week ahead everyone !!

Signing Out
A Contemplative Human Being
(Who Is Trying To Find The Perfect Doughnut)

source

 

Its the first time I have posted twice  in one day . I feel like I need to emphasise being grateful in life today.  Please do something kind for someone else this week. Be grateful for life. Love it. Live it. For it is as short as it is bittersweet .

Have a lovely day.

Once Upon Another Time And The Colours Of Mourning

At my funeral I want the song Once upon a time by Sara Bareilles to be played. Aside from the flow of the song which conveys some sense of melancholy and wistfulness they words are really what gets to you. The song has such a beautiful meaning that needs to be shared.

I started thinking about death and living today. Our dear friends who I have known all my life gave us a call today. The mom of the family has been battling cancer for the past four to five years. She was in remission for a while then the cancer came back. These people are just about the friendliest family I have had the pleasure of knowing for all of my eighteen years and how their lives have changed over the past half a decade is quite astonishing. Anyways back to the phonecall, we were informed that it doesn’t look as if she will make it past the weekend. Now, my mother has retired downstairs for an evening of silence and my dad… well nothings changed really. He’s still making inappropriate jokes about death and funerals … perhaps that’s why my mother went to be alone. That’s just the way he is though. Me, well I have taken to play my funeral song on repeat while I try to wrap my head around this news. I’m Really gonna miss her, her odd, extreme health recipes and her gifts which tried to encourage hobbies like sugar crafting and origami (sadly books I have not read yet.. Shame on me !) . The only thing left to say is I wish she had more time.
It’s never and easy thing to accept death, or the eventuality of it. It takes a lot of time. I can’t imagine waiting for death, being aware of how little time I have left before my spirit leaves my body . I don’t want to imagine it. It’s quite hard to watch a family member slowly succumb to such a painful disease.It’s heartbreaking, when you truly love someone it can break you.

There are several types of people when it comes to dealing with grief:

  • The Negative Nelly
  • The Weeping Willow
  • The Wisecracker everybody wants to punch
  • The Introverted statue
  • The Narcissist (self-explanatory)
  • The Storyteller

There are probably are a lot more but those are the only ones that come to mind right now. My dad obviously is the wisecracker in the family. As am I with a mix of narcissism quite a bit of weeping and cursing God … and so on and so forth. My mother on the other hand is full on introverted weeping willow. We explain death to ourselves in the simplest way. Gods got other plans for you. We aren’t religious in this family but we are spiritual. When you’ve reached your time on this earth God will call your spirit back. Though we believe attachment to materialistic thing including the bodies of our spirits it still hurts like hell when another person leaves us.
In the Indian culture we wear white to funerals, in the western culture they wear black, in Egypt the colour yellow is associated with mourning and in Thailand widows are required to wear purple when morning the death of their spouse. Different cultures different traditions.
In the indian culture we wear while to symbolise purity, unity and clarity. In india widows are required to wear only white after their husband dies. White is also a colour of mourning in Ethiopia .
In the Western culture the tradition of wearing black for funerals comes from the roman empire times when the romans would wear dark coloured togas as a symbol of mourning.
In Egypt the colour yellow(or gold) is associated with the sun and being imperishable and eternal. That’s why the Sarcophagus of the kings were coated in gold .
Very interesting to research the culture all over the word when it comes to death. All of them pay respects to the dead though, some celebrate, some mourn, it’s up to the individual really.

To live life to the fullest should be our goal in this world . You have enough money? Travel the world . You haven’t gone home kicked of your shoes and did absolutely nothing for an afternoon ? Why the hell not ? Go do it. The aim of life isn’t to squander your energy into work and pretending to be friends with people you hate or buying the latest car . The aim of life is to enjoy it and help give back to earth and others. If you have too much of something learn to share. Don’t take things or people for granted. Whether it be your health, your ability to read or walk or even a fully stocked pantry. Appreciate it all. Life very short, and it doesn’t come with a timer , you never know when your time will be up. Better make it a good journey. Something for people to remember forever. When you’re gone, people will miss you and the kind things you did. You don’t want them to talk about how much money you made, or what the latest phone you bought was, Please, give them unique memories. Make your soul irreplaceable . Because you are. Every single person out there. You know you’ve lived a good life by how much you’ve impacted others lives. In the best way possible. Remember to be missed.

There are so many things left unsaid on this topic but I’ll leave that for another week.
Enjoy your week ahead everyone. Go cross at least one thing off your bucket list this week.
Quote for the week““Mom, why do the best people die?” “When you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?” “The most beautiful ones.” ~UNKNOWN
Song of the week : Revolution By The Scores. Seriously check these guys out. To be honest I enjoy every song they have released. Do yourself a favour and listen to their music.
Movie of the week : I Don’t have wi-fi sorry… haha next week I’ll recommend two movies. Promise.
Actually ….go watch the movie Three Idiots. It’s an indian movie(there are subtitles don’t worry), theres also a spanish remake of it .But it’s a really funny touching story. You will enjoy it, guaranteed.

Signing off
(A Very Wi-fi Deprived Soul)
(With Social Issues)

One Day (spoilers ahead please be advised): Love and Life

Last week a friend recommended a movie to me. This friend happens to be my person(I’ve been watching plenty of greys anatomy lately). She doesn’t have terrible movie taste aside for her obsession with musicals but I’m afraid she doesn’t know me it all.
She recommended the movie ‘One Day’ originally a book by David Nicholls . Hats off to this author for such a … moving story.

It’s a story about two best friends who are in love with each other who had their ups and downs in life and to be quite honest it was the most soul wrenching movie I’ve watched in a long time. I hate emotional rollercoaster movies, and I especially hate sad movies. Now when those are put together, well, I simply can’t stand them. The movie, I think, was the most relatable because it felt so goddamn real. you know life won’t always have a happy ending. In fact it never does, there will never be the perfect person or relationship and sometimes the people you love make you won’t to cut out your heart and hide it away because it hurts so much from the words they say or the things they do. Perhaps they disappoint you in every way possible or don’t appreciate you at all. Whether it be a mother , a lover, a sister or brother (see, I’m even starting to rhyme) or especially a best friend, people are not perfect, life with people in or out of it is not perfect. After this movie had come to a close there were many questions I found myself thinking about. The very first one was : Is love really worth it?
Now you can ask people who have been divorced, been heartbroken, had loved ones die, and hurt a loved one themselves that very same question. The answer is always YES. You can love the wrong person, you can love the right person, you can love multiple people. But goddamn is it worth it. Watching that love story unfold made me question my entire outlook on my future love life.
Had Emma never stayed over that night, never invited on going for a walk, never gave Dexter her number and most certainly never fell in love. She might not have died that way, she wouldn’t have wasted twenty odd years pining for a guy she didn’t have. Obviously that wouldn’t have made a very good movie but she would be alive, perhaps she wouldn’t have had so many emotional ups and downs in her life. But who wants a movies or a book like that ?
You ask why, secretly, we romanticise love being tragic, being heart breaking and soul sucking …. The answer is simply that that’s because it’s what we secretly want from out life. Heart break, tears and simply put an indescribable feeling called love. We yearn for it, crave it and worship it. Life cannot be as bleak as the cement ground of the side-walk or the khaki trousers of a middle school uniform. We seek colour and vibrancy, we search for adventure. Love is not an easy thing, the heart is fickle and decisive all at the same time and the mind ? Well thats simply makes life harder.
The choices in the movie are quite hard to watch, hard to imagine and bloody hell they look hard to make. There is a longer essay somewhere on how this book made a person feel or how the movie impacted someones life but for now here’s my relatively unorganised thoughts on the matter.
I would not read this book in my lifetime because I’m afraid my heart could not handle it. Strong love like this brings a person to tears. If the movie can make me question my life just imagine the impact of the book.

Another question that comes to mind is will I ever love someone that much ? That intensely ? Or for so long?
Call me cynical but love does not last in this world. True love is not a common occurrence. People can be married, love each other but at most times not like each other at all. People can be divorced and hate each other or divorced and still love each other. People can fall in love from one glance and spend the rest of their lives together or spend decades with someone only to realise that you don’t love them anymore or worst of all that you didn’t love them at all.
Love comes in many shapes and sizes, in literature, in film and most certainly it’s only experienced by us personally. We can show it feel it share it but we are the only one that know how strongly we feel about someone else. We don’t know how love feels to them and most certainly never will know. We rely on them to tell us. Sometimes that takes time and most certainly sometimes that time is too long. God I certainly hope I have the courage to tell someone when I love them. I do also hope that they say it back, say it back and mean it because I will never truly know until they do. It’s not the main point to have someone love you back. Its more the point of having the courage to say how the most feeling emotional and hardest to convince part of you to someone else. It’s the risk of offering your heart to another person and trusting them tot take the utmost care of it. This doesn’t necessarily apply to boyfriends, girlfriends or husbands or wives. Sometimes an ‘I Love You‘ is all a friend needs to hear, or a mother or a father or a stranger on the street (pick your strangers and words wisely I beg of you) . But love is a powerful emotion and certainly the emotion I fear the most .

The loss and suffering of loved ones is the continuous focus of the movie and quite frankly it’s so damn moving because its true. To be quite honest I’m not sure whether I want to love someone enough not to be able to live without them. To not be able to imagine my life without waking up to them every single day. To wonder whether them dying or them leaving me is better or worse. I know it’s a fantasy to believe love last forever, for the lucky ones it does. But for these of us it’s not so simple, love takes hard effort and time, most certainly it takes guts but most importantly it needs a heart. They good this is we all definitely have one, the not so good thing is not all of us want to share it, or we share it too willingly .

I see why people write books on it and sing songs about it, cry over it and gain inspiration from it. Love bring out something that is indescribable and we will forever live trying to describe it, draw it, feel it and see it. Not a bad way to live life at all. Speaking of songs written about love. I put on the radio while we were in the car today and one of my all time favourite songs called ‘Fast Car” by Tracey Chapman came on. This is ultimately a song with a beautiful beat but with feeling as well. It’s a song about love. A Sad song, but a love song never the less. Bringing back nostalgia and young love , falling out it and missing it into one wonderful set of lyrics and voice which cannot be replaced or covered in the same light. Some may not share my views on this song and that okay. But I love it for my own reasons, and that’s what makes it important to me.

I have many more question that I need to ask myself, and plenty more conclusions from this movie. But the one I feel most strongly about so far is one day I hope I can love someone that much, I hope even more than that they love me just as much, even more than that, I hope that we can be together for as long as possible.
Unfortunately as a teenager I find myself pushed too soon into this adult world, the environment that I live in encourages dating many people before settle down, having random sex with strangers and celebrating it too. I happen, regrettably, (for my need to cuddle with something other than my blanket) to believe in true love, I find it hard to believe that I will love one person for the rest of my life but god do I wish for it. All the ups and downs and heart-breaks and crying and laughter. I want it all. I just hope it finds me.
This movie will take you apart and before you notice it , put you aback together. You won’t be the same, but you will certainly be better off than you were before .

I don’t like these kind of movies, but they make me see the world differently, I really won’t be able to forget this wonderful story and I regret watching it only because of the way it made me feel but I would whole heartedly recommend it to anyone and everyone else.
My best friend recommended this movie and told me I would like it, she was wrong I hated it but my god I also loved it. She may know me the best of all. I wouldn’t be able to imagine life without her. I most certainly am not going to even try.
Movie of the week : (take a wild guess)
Song of the week : Northern lights – Jaymes Young . A song for the dreamers and most certainly an artist to follow. Do enjoy !
My favourite quote from the book” One day “ :“What are you going to do with your life?” In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer… “Live each day as if it’s your last’, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn’t practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.”
― David Nicholls, One Day
I know it’s a rather long one but it really is a beautiful quote, it’s also quite fitting when describing the movie. Heres to you falling in love with it like I did.

P.S I bought a rainbow unicorn onesie today, I think I may have found my soulmate!

Goodnight to all.
(A Human With Really Puffy Eyes)
(And A Heart And Soul)

Soap As a Birthday Gift and My “Stalker Vibes”

Have you ever had those friends that you saw at least once a week, that you discussed what kind of coffee you were fond of and who your latest women crush was or even what type of olive you preferred in your salad but they weren’t really your “close friends”. You would greet each other every morning and check up when they weren’t at work or at school to make sure they weren’t dying or offer a tissue when they cried and gave them a hug.
I had those . The people I used to spend tons of time with but never really meant much, to either of us.
Every year since I’ve known them we have exchanged presents and birthday cards. Our birthdays consisted to something of 100 word essays. With topics ranging from our tastes in music to lame jokes and the use of words like ‘kind’,”great’, and ‘nice’. Forgive me for being this judgmental and honest but if you’re going to give someone you’re close to a birthday card it should be meaningful and or goofy. something they can remember forever . Its like subconsciously we were trying to convince the other person that we were close to them because we knew all these facts on a whim about their personal lives. Fact remains that we were trying to hard.
Its only after one has best, close and utterly weird and unpredictable friends that one knows the difference between the types of birthday cards. It’s a small difference but it feels like a rather large one when you break it down .
When they write stuff about a special moment when you were together and remember a witty wrote you said to them years ago or quote a play that you both went to watch together that you both love. It can be a couple of sentences long, there can be a drawing in place of half a page and it still could mean more that 100 essay birthday cards. Know what I mean ?
True friends don’t just offer you a tissue when you cry, They bust out the serial killer kit, a box of junk food and some pure comedy shows and or they hand you a baseball bat and direct you towards a rather large rock . Either way, they know what you need, whether it be a good cry, to punch someone in the face ( god I hope not , ice your knuckles after please ) or even a marathon length run at mid day in the middle of summer.
If they were absent from school or work you would try to go over to check up on them, you wouldn’t worry about what to say next to impress them or brag to show off something they might like. Why not ? Cus True friends don’t give a rats right testicle whether you have the latest album from imagine dragons, or you’re getting a new phone for your birthday, but god forbid you bake a caramel covered triple layered chocolate cake without them and they will hold it over your head forever. It’s the silly little things that make a difference.

Onto upbeat things. Did you know that the expression and reflex of saying the words “ bless you” after someone sneezes came about after the plague ? Yeah me neither . Cus back then When you sneezed they prayed that you weren’t sick from the plague and that you wouldn’t die … those were some chilling times. LOL you wouldn’t know if other people’s ‘bless you’ s were sarcastic or not. Doubt anyone would stop to ask. A lot must have been left up to mystery in those days.

Its seems my sass level has reached new lows. This week is my stalker week that’s probably why, my witty energy has been all used up. Its my brother’s birthday and as the darling sister i have to get him the perfect gift because what he and the late Joan Rivers have in common is that they are judgemental, Yes over clothes too but his complaints have been with my gifts in the past. Granted I did say they gift of presence should have been enough to appease him but he does get that gift everyday. This year I decided to change it up and get fancy. I have invested in a mug. Yes . A mug.
Don’t give me that look, a mug is a wonderful present. That’s been my thing this year, giving people mugs for their birthday. By best friend got three for her birthday. Sometimes wonder how I kept my friends. Its sure isn’t my birthday gifts. I believe I gave a girl I knew a scarf for three years in a row .It’s not like a receive such great gifts either, I mean my aunt and my uncle have given me a new set of deodorant and soap since i turned 10. Like Guys I know I hit puberty and that age but I know i need to use soap. What y’all Tryin to say here ?
Back to it being my stalker week, over the past two years I have created a quickly growing collection of the people in my house sleeping. whether it be on couches in beds or on airport chairs I have the evidence. I have decided to gift everyone with a birthday card made up of all their photos of them catching a good nap in incredibly funny positions. Not before you judge me just know that they started it. They have plenty of embarrassing mid snore photos of me too.
I happen to think my idea is quite ingenious . Anyone else have any good birthday gift ideas ?
Song of the day : Now or Never – Halsey . I really love her music. Her voice is just too addictive…
Lesson learnt today : Pay attention to the people around you. You never know how interesting people are unless you spend some time with them one on one. A good chat never hurts. Strike up a conversation with someone you don’t normally talk to every once in a while. Surprise yourself .

Enjoy your week Everyone
Signed Out.
(A Rather Tired Human)
(Who needs another Haircut soon)