Not Being Okay Is Okay, BRB Waiting for My Map.

You know I wrote this post about an hour ago. Then I selected everything and accidentally pressed backspace… then poof gone …

So I’m going to start again. Let’s see what I can remember.

Procrastination and punctuality are not two of my strong suits. Unfortunately I’ve spent the past couple of weeks stuck in a rut, waiting for something inspirational to write about or at least something funny. But nothing seems to come to mind .

The problem is I’m tired, very tired . Of doing absolutely nothing, watching other people live out their lives, studying abroad, double majoring, meeting new people and exploring new places. Feeling the sun on their skin from an entirely different side of the equator. It’s other people being successful thing. Yes it’s a thing that bothers a lot of people, yet still… The part that hits me hardest was the fact that I used to be ahead of these people in school, we started from the same place. This sounds very self-centered and narcissistic, trust me I know. But nobody can be positive all the time, and I’ve just been feeling a little out of it lately. Everyone else had such high expectations for me. Heck even I did, however I didn’t know what I wanted to achieve (other than greatness of course), red flag number one.*cough* *cough*

You know there are plenty of things we take for granted, one of them being happiness and positivity. It’s not something that’s easy. It’s hard being positive and enthusiastic about life all the time. It takes a really strong person to keep up the positivity and mean it. It’s very easy to be the negative chap in the room it’s takes the best to find the good. Know someone who’s the sunshine your morning? Gives you great advice and always shows you a perspective you never looked from? Yeah go give them a hug and tell them how much you appreciate their existence, they are one of the strongest people you’ll ever meet .

The novelty has worn off, it was bound to after all. The fun of organizing and sorting tablets into the pillbox (yes I know. I have one of those), reading ingredients of everything eat, avoiding the sun, passing out from exhaustion from watching the world fly by, finding the motivation to do the little things, like making new friends, or working toward a goal, any goal really.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I have, I have a wonderful home, a family that loves me, friends that stand by me and I have full use of all my limbs. I have everything I could possible ever need . Yet I still feel stuck.

I have been focused on myself so long that when I looked up I feel like everyone has left me behind, they are living their lives, making mistakes and memories. Finding themselves. And I’m stuck.

Everyone is on their own journey. They have their own road to follow. Life’s not a race, but damn near feels like it. So I’m stuck, on the side of my road, waiting for a map and a destination.

I have two choices, wait for the sunrise or drive the dark and hope for the best.

I could watch those inspirational movies and read self-help books, visit a psychologist or join a course for self discovery but the first step with all of these processes begins with wanting to be helped. I’m still stuck in this phase. Watching others living their lives making mistakes and memories, not noticing time passing by. For now what to do? Now I wait, not for a sign. But from the feeling inside, wanting to help oneself . Everyone has their adventure set out for them. I can’t wait to start mine, whenever I’m ready or not ready if that makes any sense .

So I guess I’ve kind of come to a conclusion, perhaps not the most exciting decisions, nor a very interesting one. Who knows? Only time will tell.

And now as we await the new year, let the countdown begin. Let the stories of the year be shared and laughed over . Don’t forget to have a magical December! : )

This post didn’t flow the way I originally wrote it, but unfortunately I don’t remember much of the rest.

But I hope that everyone has a fabulous week ahead, find your sunrise, follow your map, make some memories and some friends. Spread some positivity. : )

Have you had any memorable moments recently, got any sunrise stories to share? Comment below you awesome human being!

And thanks for checking out this post. ; )

Songs of the week:

  • Jack and Diane – John Mellencamp
  • The song that’s been stuck in my head all week : Dream Lover – Bobby Darin
  • And La Rumba – Zorro (will get your buns shakin in no time )

Movies of the week:

  • Valerian and the city of a thousand planets .
  • Me Before You – it’s one of those movies that you’ve watched before and it kills you inside but one year later you somehow find yourself clicking on the link once again. Spiraling into an abyss with tissues and heart warming moments. Gotta break your heart to feel good again.

Quote for the week :

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides.” – Barbara Kingsolver

Signing out

A Lost Traveler

(Waiting For Her Sunrise )

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